GeoBeats

Relationships: Keys to Communication - as part of the expert series by GeoBeats. Hi, I am Kathlyn Hendricks with the Hendricks Institute. One of the most important things for couples to realize is that being together, and being together without conducting business, is one of the most important things you can do for your relationship. So, being together where you are taking a walk, or where you are listening to each other talk about some of the things you have been experiencing, that really revitalizes your relationship. Also, people do not realize that the amount of appreciation you give is one of the most valuable things you can do to juice up your relationships. If you focus on giving at least five appreciations for every criticism that you are likely to make, that leads you toward thriving relationships. People do not realize that if they have just a ratio of one criticism to one appreciation, they think that is going to keep them in balance, but that actually takes you toward relationships that start dissolving and getting into conflict. So, another thing that you can do that will really improve your communications right now is to practice listening without interrupting. One of the things you can do is focus on your breathing rather than rehearsing what you are going to say when your partner finishes. So, if you are just taking easy, relaxed breaths, you are actually going to hear what your partner is saying and you are going to be present for them in a way that really invites deeper communication. In all of my travels around the world - I have been around the world the equivalent of about 33 times teaching people about how to have more thriving relationships - the thing that I have found is that people really want to be able to be themselves in the presence of someone else. So, if you create an invitation with your presence, that is you give your whole attention to your partner rather than doing chores or saying, “What was that,” as your partner is speaking, you really build this kind of emotional reservoir that allows you to draw on that in times of stress in your relationship. One other very important thing about communicating is that whenever you are in a conflict, look for what you are scared of. Underneath exchanges of anger is almost always something that one or both people are scared of. And if you will let yourself notice, “Hmm. What about this am I scared about?” and you communicate that to your partner, it creates instant intimacy and a deeper connection in which you feel like: “Oh, I know this person. This is the person I first fell in love with”, and you can recreate your relationship over and over again.

RelationshipsExpert SeriesCommunicationKathlyn Hendricksunited stateslos angeles